I have recently been through an experience in which I believed I was hurt by what someone said. I really bought into the thought that this person changed the way I was feeling because of what she did.
Have you ever experienced anything like that? When this happens, you attempt to seek justification for your anger. It’s almost as if you wanted to get “evidence of the crime”. In your mind, you begin to revive the situation and it seems that the feelings of anger and hurt are fully justified. You feel like you have been unfairly treated and invest your time getting witnesses to support your wronged self.
In addition, it is very common that you share your view with your closest friends and that has a butterfly effect. Each person who hears your story joins you in your “case”. Then, what started out as a simple misunderstanding that could be easily solved if you talked openly to the person in question, becomes a conspiracy theory, with a judge, jury and witnesses.
However, considering that everything can be used for you to learn something, how can you use situations like these to grow in awareness?
First, it is important to understand that any feelings that come up, especially those considered negative, are just an indicator that you are not choosing happy thoughts. Then, in each situation, you must make the only judgment you are capable of: how am I feeling now? And if you know that you are the only responsible for the way you feel, no one has the power to make you feel anything.
Circumstances are experienced as triggers that bring up certain aspects of our personality that perhaps we were unaware of, but they are never the cause.
The problem is that we are terrified of looking honestly at the thoughts we cherish. That’s why we try so hard to find something out there that justifies the negative feelings we perceive within us. But how can we shift our thoughts if don’t even know them? Why is it so important to know oneself? Instead of looking for a culprit for the way we feel, why not focus on understanding and accepting ourselves?
I was surprised to realize how willing I was to find a suitable object for my anger. This showed me that I was afraid to recognize that anger was already inside me. Nothing and no one outside could have caused it. It was my own choice!
This also applies for cases that we consider unjust in the world. Anything serves as an excuse to shift from looking inside to looking outside! The problem is never your anger but your unawareness of the fact that you are projecting, looking out for someone to blame all the time! In this sense, using people or situations as scapegoats is a way of disguising the way you feel.
When you try to blame people for the way you feel, you’re actually trying to put the problem where it can’t be solved. This will never be effective in improving the way you feel! If you choose to face your feelings, you can recognize that you’re choosing for fear. Then you can choose to remember your true Identity and actually be the Love that you are.
By Juliana Kurokawa