Recently I arranged to meet up with someone because I thought they would be a useful business contact for a new project of mine. I was aware of my discomfort in seeing them in terms of what they could do for me and in the end my guilt was so strong that I decided not to connect with them until I could see them in a different way.
I knew the different way would start with me being in the flow of what spirit wanted me to do and not what my individual separate mindset thought was the best business approach.
I have discussed in previous blogs (see “Joining with my father”) about the pain of using others to meet personal needs but in this blog I want to focus on the underlying beliefs that prevent us giving the Holy Spirit or Jesus control over what to do.
Two of the initial blocks to giving over control to the Holy Spirit are that we think we can do a better job and that the Holy Spirit is not really going to get on with the job even if we decide to let Him take charge.
The solution to the first block requires humility and honestly. We need to look honestly at the mess we (joined with the ego) have made of sorting out our lives! Then we need to realize that it is impossible for us to judge. We may be willing to admit that we are not good at judging but claiming that we can’t judge seems a bit much!
Remember nothing that you taught yourself for you were badly taught. T-28.I.7
…judgement in the usual sense is impossible. This is not an opinion but a fact. In order to judge anything rightly … One would have to recognize in advance all the effects of his judgments on everyone and everything involved in them in any way…Who is in a position to do this? M-10.3
Once we get over being personally insulted by a statement like the above we can see the uncompromising nature of A Course in Miracles in pointing out the futility of following the ego.
But are we ready to following the Holy Spirit if we think He cannot be trusted in getting on with the job of running our lives? We all can probably remember times when we asked for a miracle and nothing seemed to happen.
The cost of the belief that there must me some appearances beyond the hope of change is that the miracle cannot come forth from you consistently. For you have asked it be withheld from power to heal all dreams. There is not miracle you cannot have when you desire healing. But there is no miracle that can be given you unless you want it. Choose what you would heal, and He Who gives all miracles has not been given freedom to bestow His gifts upon God’s Son. T-30VIII.4:5-7 (bold print mine)
Again we can see the radical nature of this course. We say we want a miracle to help with running our business but we know how to take care of our family or our health. In doing this we are still in control and calling the shots. We are directing the show because we do not want to give up the little control we seem to have to shape events. Maybe we do not really want to be taken care off by Spirit because we are scared that trust would really work and that would be too threatening!
The work of the Holy Spirit is to control the effects of the miracle. We cannot expect consistency in the external effects of the miracle when we withhold parts of our lives from his control. Another way of saying this is that we do not want or desire Jesus fully in our lives because that would mean consistent inner joy and external forms would change to reflect that. Nothing would be so threatening to the ego than consistent inner peace when the ego is a thought of conflict or opposition. Also identifying with the ego means we are identified with our bodies so consistent expression of the miracle in form would be again too threatening. Imagine the fear of experiencing the miracle consistently in form if we were not ready for it! “What if my body and thoughts disappear into the nothingness that I suspect is the true substance of the ego?”
Making commitments to trust in God for everything do not make any sense because if we are ready then trust just happens. If we say we are not holding back some parts of our lives when we are then we are setting the miracle up to let us down. We complain that the outer form and the inner peace of the miracle did not happen when in fact we had “asked it (the miracle) to be withheld from power to heal all dreams.”
We need to focus on our willingness to make the gentle gradual shift in experiencing peace of mind, independent of expecting changes in our external situation. Noticing when we were are not willing, wanting or desiring a miracle is kinder than pretending we do when we don’t.
Even if we are honestly ready for an external change we need to remember that the Holy Spirit is in charge of all the extension of the miracle. So if the an external situation does not change or changes in a way that we do not like then who are we to judge what should happen? Especially when we have just been told that we are incapable of judgement!
Miracles are expressions of love, but they may not always have observable effects. T-1.I.35