In one of my quiet moments I remember bringing my distress about external financial loss inwards for healing. I was aware that my pain was a result of an inner decision. As I was looking with Jesus at the pain, it eased, but it did not completely disappear.
I was aware that I was dealing with my reaction to a reoccurring external event, and I was heavily invested in holding onto the negative feelings. When I realized my attachment to being unfairly treated by experiencing loss, I was able to be patient with myself.
The feelings of distress and anxiety showed me that I was in my wrong mind. When the feelings first arose I knew I had blamed someone else for how I felt, and I wanted them to say they were sorry, and to do something to make up the loss. Making the cause of my negative feeling some event or someone else was obviously a clear sign that I was in my wrong mind.
In my quiet time I became aware of my resistance to changing my perception. My pain as I mentioned above had eased somewhat but I knew that I had still to look at my resistance. I was resisting an experience of the peace of God. I was tempted to settle for feeling a little better, but I knew deep down that my repeated negative reaction to loss was one that would lead me to an inner gift, if I could only stay with my resistance.
Forgiveness … is still, and quietly does nothing… It merely looks, and waits and judges not. W-pII.1.4:1,3
A miracle is a correction … It merely looks on devastation, and reminds the mind that what it sees is false. W-pII.13.1:1,3
Over the years I have had strong reaction to financial loss. It symbolized for me loss of: security; comfort; value; well-being; success; sustainability; something that I could depend and count on and even something precious. I had lots of work to do around this issue and so I asked for lots of help! I knew that it was no good asking for magical help: financial abundance. I had experienced financial abundance in the past – this was a reoccurring pattern of loss that involved gaining at times – but it had (obviously) not brought the peace of mind I was really wanting.
I knew that looking at my resistance to healing my perception of loss involved, not taking it seriously, not making it a big deal, not calling myself a failure, and not trying to change the script of loss. Forgiveness involved observing and undoing the ego, allowing an experience of giving up, and letting go without the idea of further loss.
So desiring true peace of mind I had an experience – not dramatic but significant. I saw an image of myself experiencing loss and yet I clearly knew that the image was not me. I became my right-minded self looking at my wrong-minded self and smiling a knowing smile. I experienced the falsity of my perception of loss and my ideas of security and comfort. I saw that my perception of loss only seemed real if I gave it power to cover over my true identity. Now I had hope in a hopeless world. I was no longer a limited self but free.
If you can stand aside from the ego by ever so little, you will have no difficulty in recognizing that its opposition and its fears are meaningless….
Now the script of my life that I wrote may have more financial loss written in, but it is not script that I want to change. Why would I want to change form when form is meaningless?
Remembering moments of experiencing peace of mind like I have just described, will allow me to react differently in the future. Being more aware of the part of my mind that is beyond the perception of loss, allows me to react less. Even if I do react then I know healing will come more easily.
… Salvation is your happiest accomplishment. It is also the only one that has any meaning, because it is the only one that has any real use to you at all. W-pI.44.6:1 & 8;2,3