I have been thinking recently about the idea of deserving. I used to believe that parents for example, deserved respect from their children – I discussed this in last week’s blog. In general we think it’s normal and right to believe we deserve wealth, a comfortable life, a healthy body, a loving family, friendship, success, freedom and happiness. All these “deserves” focus on the body and I am increasing uncomfortable in embracing them because I have experienced that they lead to pain and are not based on my true nature.
Power, fame, money, physical pleasure; who is the “hero” to whom all these things belong? Could they mean anything except to a body? M-13.2:1-3
It’s easy to understand that if I believe I deserve respect and then not get it, I’m going to be upset. It almost seems by believing I deserve respect is a way of making sure that I am miserable. The ego wins even if we don’t get what we deserve. Getting angry at the injustices of life achieves the same thing for the ego as celebrating when we get what we deserve – maintaining our focus on the body and away from the mind. Without returning to the mind we can never choose again and so the ego’s thought system is protected.
I became relieved, joyful and inspired to learn from the Holy Spirit that I truly deserve happiness but not as a separated individual. In our wrong mind we don’t want true happiness and peace but the type of happiness and peace that seems to come with getting our personal needs and agendas fulfilled. We are tempted by the temporary fleeting joys of the personal instead of the lasting shared happiness of our minds, beyond the concepts of time and space.
Before I could accept that I deserved true happiness I had to look first at what my ego thought I really deserved. In my wrong mind I thought I deserved punishment by a wrathful avenging God. My image of God from my traditional Christian upbringing was a God who was to be feared and required me to ask for forgiveness because of my inherent sinfulness. This non loving concept of God does not originate with Christianity but with our ego’s concept of a sinned against God in our mind. I saw that I had to forgive God for what I had made of him and to accept that he only wanted my happiness.
Next I understood from the Holy Spirit that I needed to accept the means given to achieve the goal of happiness: forgiveness. My motivation to practice forgiveness seems to fluctuate. When I choose the ego I think – “forgiveness yuk! If don’t want to embraces the type of forgiveness that leads out of this world and back to my mind. I want to stay here in this world and I try again to find happiness”. When I choose to listen to the Holy Spirit I know I am being taught about happiness beyond this world and beyond my sense of an individual psychological self. The Holy Spirit teaches shared interests instead of differences and separation. There is nothing so threatening to our egos than embracing forgiveness that leads to true happiness. So of course we need to be aware of our resistance in the form of being afraid and be gentle with ourselves. We know we are afraid when we cling to the deserving that is associated with being an individual identity.
You recoginze you want the goal (happiness/peace). Are you not also willing to accept the means? If you are not, let us admit that you are inconsistent. A purpose is attained by means, and if you want a purpose you must me willing to want the means as well T-20.VII.2:3-6
We deserve happiness but when we are fooled by the ego’s version of happiness we are really choosing to be unhappy. The ego does not wish us well.
Remembering that we truly deserve happiness corrects the ego’s view of a God who cannot be trusted to care for us.
Ultimately embracing what we truly deserve means being ready to move from a personal to a shared identification, which is symbolic of returning to our minds with Jesus and choosing once again.
Forgiveness is my function as the light of the world. Title Lesson 62
My happiness and my function are one. Title Lesson 66
God’s will for me is perfect happiness Title Lesson 101