We moved house last week and just as I was ready to give back the keys of the rental house, we had lived in for the last four years, I noticed my emotions. Or rather I noticed how I didn’t want to notice my feelings! I was rushing around, over eating, doing anything to avoid looking at my inner disquiet. I took some time by myself to experience the issues around leaving home.
I had images of my children playing on the garage roof, playing hide and seek with their friends in the rooms, happy family meal around the table. Soon I had tears in my eyes. I was aware of sense of loss and change: the feeling that “home” would never be the same again.
I remembered images of my own childhood home: the sense of protection, security, comfort and the seeming innocence of childhood itself. All left behind with only memories.
Inside my mind I became aware that I believed that I had lost the innocent of my true home, that I would never see again. My mind’s beliefs and thoughts about being homeless were reflected in my sadness over leaving my current home and the passing of the innocence of childhood.
Once the ego tells us that we are homeless, we seek to make a home in this world. Yet the ego’s homes in this world never truly satisfy, no matter how seeming perfect they are, there is always something missing. Then every time we move home physically the ego reminds us unconsciously that we have destroyed our true home and can never return.
The ego has built a shabby and unsheltering home for you, because it cannot build otherwise. Do not try to make this impoverished house stand. T-4.I.11:1-2
The ego regards the body as its home, and tries to satisfy itself through the body. But the idea that this is possible is a decision of the mind, which has become completely confused about what is really possible. T-4.II.7:8-9
I use my negative feelings around being homeless to motivate me to return to my mind and make another choice about wanting to leave my true home with God.
Salvation is no more than a reminder this world is not your home. T-25.VI.6:1
You are at home in God, dreaming of exile but perfectly capable of awakening to reality. T-10.I.2:1
…the Self that never left Its home in God to walk the world uncertainly…the Self that no knows no fear, nor could conceive of loss or suffering or death. W-94.3:7-8
Come home. You have not found your happiness in foreign places and in alien forms that have no meaning to you, though you sought to make them meaningful. This world is not where you belong. You are a stranger here. W-200.4:1-4
In that moment of handing back the keys, my focus was on finding and making another physical home for me and my family. Although that is what will need to happen, what is really important is choosing to return to my true home in my mind. If I focus on returning home in my mind or rather realizing that I never left home, then even if I move around from one physical place to another then I will always feel at home. If I am secure in my true Identity then the physical house I live in can be enjoyed for what it is. A physical home can symbolize or reflect the security of knowing that I am “at home in God”.
You dwell not here, but in eternity. You travel but in dreams, while safe at home. T-13.VII.17:6-7