The thought ‘I have not enough time to do all I want to do’ came frequently to my mind while trying to fit my work with Miracle Choice into my average week. Until I realised that ‘not enough time’ is and ego thought.
I try to be vigilant for ego thoughts but this one had been with me for a long time without me recognising it for what it was. When I see what the ego is up to I automatically make another choice because I know the ego doesn’t mean me well. I am aware that indulging ego thoughts costs me my peace of mind but I was unconsciously willing to stay with this thought. Even though the ego is very clever in disguising its thoughts I must have been willing not to see this thought for what it was.
When I believe in ‘not enough time’ I am a victim of time. My ego argues ‘there are only so many hours in a day and you already have commitments’. The ego’s witnesses are very convincing and they uphold beliefs in victimization, vulnerability, separation, unfairness and competition.
‘Not enough time’ generates a feeling of fear. ‘I will never get this project completed’ or ‘I will forever be stuck doing the same old thing and never move on’. The fear generated keeps the vicious circle going because when I am fearful I only see problems and more lack or time.
The energy I give to the thought ‘not enough time’ tells me how important it is for me. It is the one thing I frequently mention to my wife and friends when they ask me how I am. My attachment to this theme alerts me to an important realisation:
I only experience ‘not enough time’ because I want to have this experience!
I am responsible for what I see. I choose the feelings I experience, and I decide upon the goal I would achieve. Any everything that seems to happen to me I ask for, and receive as I have asked.
Why would I want to experience ‘not enough time’?
The thought of ‘not enough time’ is a thought of lack. I have identified with lack in my mind and so I will project out that thought of lack as ‘not enough time. The thought of lack in my mind is a result of wanting to be separate from my Creator. My experience of ‘not enough time’ is a consequence of the first mistaken decision to identity with the ego. My desire for separation, ego autonomy, and being my own creator with my own power has consequences.
The experience of ‘not enough time’ reinforces my ego identity and I want it because I still want to be a separate being with an individual life. I hang onto ‘not enough time’ because to drop it and have another experience is saying I no longer want separation and specialness.
I am insane if I stubbornly hang onto a miserable, fearful, limited life because I do not want to experience my joyful, peaceful, timeless Self.
The answer to ‘there is not enough’ time did not come to me in a list of things to drop and strategies to make more time. I did not need to say affirmations or visualise times in the past when I had enough time.
The answer came as a quiet inward knowing that everything is all right. A gentle smile cross my face as I looked beyond my ego’s lies. An experience of quiet release came as I let go of my desire for the ego’s witnesses and allowed the Holy Spirit’s perception to heal my tired mind.
I naturally woke up an hour earlier the next day and got up to quietly work on Miracle Choice. I still had the same number of commitments for the day but I knew that spending the day holding the hand of Jesus would be an experience without any time concerns.