I can will for whatever I want but there are only two choices.
If I want anything other than perfect happiness then I am asking for fear.
I can deceive myself and believe there are other options like excitement, adventure, success, achievement, variety and the like. But separation from perfect happiness results in fear no matter how I try to dress it up and call it something else.
The other bad news is that when I believe my will is something other than perfect happiness I will end up fearing happiness.
I read this wonderfully clear passage from A Course in Miracles this week:
You are afraid to know God’s Will, because you believe it is not yours. This belief is your whole sickness and your whole fear. Every symptom of sickness and fear arises here, because this is the belief that makes you want not to know. Believing this you hide in darkness, denying that the light is in you. T-11.I.10.”
When the Course explains that God’s Will for me is perfect happiness (Workbook Lesson 100. 2:1) I sometimes think:
– Who wants perfect happiness anyway? It has to lack variety and excitement. I prefer my own will for my life. At least I will not be bored!
– What a pity God’s Will is perfect happiness because if I want anything else then I am going to be miserable.
This this type of thinking can be confusing.
I love this clarity: choices are limited to two and believing that I want anything other than perfect happiness means: fear, sickness and hiding in darkness.
My fear of perfect happiness is waning because I am no longer so sure I want anything other than God’s Will for my life.