My son Yuri has just celebrated a year of coming out. I had a shock back then. Not so much that he is gay, but that until that point, I hadn’t realised that my love for him was conditional. I had the
image of him in a nuclear family of his own, that may have provided grandchildren and the connection that goes with that expectation.
I was shocked because I discovered my love for him was conditional.
What kind of a way was that to love?
It look me three day to forgive myself and then I could love my son without conditions because I had accepted myself and remembered true love.
This afternoon I took Yuri to have his second ear ring (he’s only 14 so he needs a parent to go with him). I had in fact not agreed to his first ear ring. His mother and godmother made that decision when I was not present. Soon afterwards I got used to his ear ring and even told him that I thought it suited him.
Then a few months ago he asked for a second and even third ear ring!
I immediately said “no.”
I feared that 2 or 3 ears rings might prejudice him in certain situations. He reassured me that he would not want to work for or hang out with someone who had that kind of prejudice. I said “no” partly because I could. For a tiny second it felt good to have some power! Then I soon experienced that it didn’t feel good trying to control the situation. Not even to control it because of my personal preference because I imagined I would prefer to see him with 1 ear ring instead of 2.
Again I had some forgiveness to do with myself before I could respond in a loving way. I asked my myself a few questions:
Is my personal preference a good enough reason on which to base a decision?
Am I willing to drop any fearful thoughts about how my son would be treated if he was wearing 2 or 3 ear rings?
Do I want to make decision now because I am worried how other people might react in the future?
Do I want to be that limited?
I appreciate now that we don’t just get learning opportunities in our lives, we always get a gift at the same time. Any relationship can be a gift of love. A Course in Miracles says our brother and sister are our saviour.
Acceptance of what is, is acceptance that whatever is happening in the present moment is a gift and a lesson. What comes as a lesson may not seem like a gift, but all lessons are gifts. While some of these lessons may come in forms that make them seem like lessons of old, they will not be repeats of lessons that have come before. They will not be lessons that you find difficult or distressing if you accept them as lessons and realize that all lessons are gifts. What you have struggled to learn in the past you have struggled with only because you did not realize the nature of the situation as a lesson or recognize that all lessons are gifts. A Course of Love T3:10.6
A saviour is a gift to you no matter how you first judge them!
by James Kelly, Creator of the Miracle Choice Games