Radical honesty continues to inspire me and intrigues me. Perhaps practicing radical honesty leads us to realize that we are feeding lies that end up hiding our greatest truth: that we are love and that we have nothing to hide.
As an invitation to reflection, I share below a sequence of questions on the subject answered by Brad Blanton, founder of the movement and author of the book Radical Honesty.
Q: What is lying and why is it stressful?
A: Lying is saying or withholding information in order to manipulate someone’s opinion of you. It captures your attention by bringing your focus to the story you’re telling, the image you’re preserving, and the secret that you’re hiding. You’re no longer able to focus your attention wherever you want to focus it; you’re only able to focus your attention on the lies you’re telling and the secret you’re keeping. This captured attention creates stress. In Radical Honesty, I attempt to demonstrate that this secrecy, withholding and lying is the primary source of modern human stress, the primary cause of most anxiety and of most depression.
Q: Is it possible to be completely honest without hurting a person’s feelings?
A: Probably not. If you are in an ongoing relationship with any person there will be times when you hurt their feelings. Probably the most often used rationalization for lying is “I didn’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings.” I recommend you hurt people’s feelings and stay with them past the hurt. I also recommend that you offend people. We can all get over having our feelings hurt and we can get over being offended. These are not permanent conditions; they are feelings that come and go. On the other side of that reaction is a conversation in which your mutual honesty creates an intimacy not possible if you are hiding something for the sake of someone’s feelings.
Q: What if I get mad at someone’s reaction to my truth telling?
A: Tell them you are mad. Say “I resent you for…” and be specific about what visible, audible part of their reaction you resent. People can actually get furious at other people and get over it in 15 or 20 minutes. People can avoid being angry at someone else for 10 or 15 or 20 years, and if they actually got angry at them, they’d probably get over it in half an hour. This is what you’ll experience and get practice in at a residential workshop.
Q: Do you feel we have to be honest with ourselves before we can have a relationship with someone else?
A: You can’t be “secretly” honest. Being “honest with yourself” is simply not separable from being honest with another. A person who says, “I was honest with myself, but decided not to tell…” is just another miserable liar and will have to suffer the consequences. Sharing honestly, with others present, is the way we can have an authentic relationship with another person.
Radical Honesty by Brad Blanton
Miracle Choice is in Ibiza, 12-14th October for the first every Miracle Choice weekend workshop called “Choose a Miracle and Change Your Life!” We will bring you more details of this next week – a poster is below. The workshop is followed on the Tuesday by a one day Miracle Choice Pocket Game Training. Both these events will be in English and Spanish.
The Miracle Choice Team