This is the first time I write about my separation. For me it is clear that the Miracle Choice Game played a big role in it and was my companion throughout this process! I was able to look at all that was happening, review my choices daily, and become more and more conscious of them.
I was married for 13 years and, at the end of last year, we decided to separate. In fact, we decided he would leave home. Honestly, we hadn’t been a couple for a long time, but we loved each other a lot and still do.
We became good friends. Much love exists between us, has always existed and will always exist. He was a very special person, we lived dreams, we had loads of fun and sorrows. We lived an intense passion, a deep love for each other. We shared our families, our friends and the people we didn’t like.
We held each other, and we rarely fought. For 13 years, there was only one night in which we slept without talking to each other and we promised that this would never happen again. We missed each other at the very moment we said goodbye to go to work.
When we looked at each other, we knew if something was right or not. Then I realized I was suddenly doing all this without intimacy. We tried to reanimate ourselves, we talked and we sought help.
We accepted and even came to believe that, over time, this is what remains for couples: companionship, friendship, and that passion, sex, attraction and feeling the vital energy with each other would no longer happen.
How could I think that not feeling the energy of life is normal? How did I deceive myself by believing that that was it?
All because of the fear of accepting it was a happy marriage for a while and that it was over. Moreover, that yes, we could give a new meaning to our relationship as friends and not as a couple. That we deserve to have other relationships and that love would never be lost. That we would honor our story and that all this would be cause for celebration.
Then, at the end of the marriage, I found out that he betrayed me. My world collapsed. I did not want it to end like this. In my mind, the end should be a fairy tale too, like a perfect ending. With bells and little background music in the farewell of a relationship that would be transformed into another. I believed in it. We even had a plan to have an end party, just like we had a wedding party.
After the pain, the fear, the anger, I was able to love him again. It sounds crazy, but that’s a choice I made and do every day. I tried to put myself in his shoes and tried not to judge. I remembered the play Immoral Soul (of Nilton Bonder), which talks about the transgression of the soul. What does the soul want? What is the soul?
I realized that I chose a new belief that everything we live is what we ask to live. And yes, I asked for that betrayal. I would not dare to come out of the lack of vital energy if it were not for it.
The anger passed and I remembered love. I remembered a very special human being with whom I was married for 13 years. It was beautiful! I reconnected with my vital energy. I started to feel again the desire to dance, to sing, to feel pleasure again. I returned to my forgotten body. I looked at myself again in the mirror and thought I was beautiful. I returned to my feminine and I haven’t even reached its maximum power. I restarted inspiring people with my work, connecting with incredible women and changing our love force.
How could I not love this story? How can I not believe that I will live other stories?
In my opinion, relationships are not meant to be warm. Our partner is not with us just to be our friend, but to be our lover, to make our body vibrate, our heart beat. So enjoy and vibrate because I believe we are not here to live intimate relationships without sexual intimacy. I think sex is pure life that connects us with our divine essence. It is a communion of pure love with another being. What intimacy could be more beautiful and perfect?
We are more attached to feeling pain all day than to feeling pleasure. Where does this madness that keeps us apart from joying pleasure come from? We remain asleep and unconscious of our body when our soul stops vibrating. We disconnect from ourselves. And we remember the body when a disease arises, when a pain reminds us of a forgotten part.
It’s time to want the energy of life to return, it’s time for the body to remember what it enjoys doing. Which movements of strength, stretching, relaxation, pleasure it wants.
With that, I went back to paying attention to my emotions, my feelings, who I am. I returned to my work with pleasure, to smile, to radiate the energy that is mine for all. I remembered that there is no separation from others. This is impossible. We are all one.
What exists is the separation within ourselves.
by Claudia Vaciloto, Miracle Choice Trainer and Facilitator