Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m riding this big roller coaster of feelings. It feels as if an inner door had opened and suddenly all feelings began to manifest in a whirlwind.
It was even difficult to honestly answer people’s question about how I was doing.
Emotionally, there was a lot of movement within me, and although a lot of things were apparently happening outside, I knew that none of them had the ability to trigger all those emotions. There was something very deep inside that was ready to be experienced and would surely bring me a lesson of Love. However, I felt that I wasn’t quite ready for it.
In a moment of deep meditation, I could clearly see an image that brought me clarity of the cause of my suffering. It was as if I was trying to hold the doors of a huge dam of water. But there was so much water about to leak that even my great effort to try to contain it all was not enough to contain the flow of the water.
There was the suffering: exactly in my attempt to control all feelings and emotions, rather than simply allowing them to manifest freely.
It was only when I realized this that I could experience — not analyze — each of those emotions. I realized that I was the source of all of them, and as such I could manifest anything, even what I considered negative.
I understood very deeply that ups and downs are part of the human experience. It is as if life would be represented by a graph with high and low peaks, and I was trying to flatten this graph and reduce it to the emotions I thought I could handle. I was doing this without realizing that it was just limiting my life and that this was an attitude of defense and fear against the beauty of the diversity of life.
When I gave up this insane attempt to control, I could choose life. I understood that living is about being born and dying every day to all the infinite possibilities of manifestation.
When I chose life, I was fulfilled by an indescribable joy. I was no longer afraid, and I embraced my human experience with all the details, with all the ups and downs, with all the emotions. I decided that from now on I would open my heart and welcome all manifestations with curiosity. After all, I don’t know what they are about and yet I was very busy trying to protect myself.
I know this will be an exercise that I will have to go through many times and that it requires dedication, commitment and above all presence.
I write here to tell you that this is a healthy and safe experience and to invite you to choose life together with me. Repeatedly, every day, every minute, at every inhalation and exhalation. And I hope we will choose to embrace the pain and delight of living right now, exactly as everything is, both inside and out.
by Juliana Kurokawa, Trainer and facilitator of Miracle Choices.