I just started a course in Transactional Analysis, and we were discussing the qualities we would like to see in a psychotherapist. One person said they wanted a therapist to “get them.”
Is wanting a therapist, a friend, or partner to “get you,” which means to really see and understand you, a reasonable request? Is it too much to expect this level of empathy?
How do you know when this ultimate empathy or connection happens? What does the other person do? Is it their body language, the skill they have in repeating back what you just said or their tone of voice? It is more than all that isn’t it. Maybe it’s:
The other person feeling your emotion through their eyes.
A soul connection.
Chemicals coming from them connecting them with you and you with them.
Non spoken magic.
Douglas Harding believes we are built open to receive others and we are that way all the time.
“They (others) feel, without knowing how or why, that you are wide open for them, that you see and hear and appreciate them for what they are: and this disposes them to react in kind. You don’t need to tell your secret, which is that you can’t help yourself, and that it’s as this infinitely capacious No-thing that you are so open to them, so big-hearted. No-thing demands nothing of anyone, has everything anyway, is everything.”
From Head Off Stress by D. E. Harding
Douglas in his many books encourages you to actually look a and see who you are at your center. He finds his essence is both No-thing and capacity for everything and everyone at the same time. I agree. You can find much free material at http://www.headless.org/
by James Kelly Creator of the Miracle Choice Game